Is this (part of) me? I don't know...

[jbsegal]

I got this quote - which may be from Triton by Samuel R. Delaney, but I'm not at all sure - from roadnotes on a totally unrelated topic.

It resonates FAR too much for me to just ignore it...<sigh>

Emotionally lazy?

What's the difference between that and emotionally injured? Emotionally crippled? Emotionally atrophied? Maybe it isn't your fault. Maybe you weren't cuddled enough as a baby. Maybe you simply never had people around to set an example of how to care. Maybe because you quote feel you love me unquote you feel I should take you on as a case. I'm not going to. Because there are other people, some of whom I love and some of whom I don't, who need help too and, when I give it, it seems to accomplish something the results of which I can see. Not to mention things I need help in.

Comments

For the record

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

It is from Delany's Triton, and, at least from when I knew you better (I'm thinking particularly around the season of The Pirates of Penzance, when you were crashing with us regularly and we were talking more in person), you fell into the category of the people "who need help too, and when I give it, it seems to accomplish something the results of which I can see."

You learned, and you responded, and you felt and thought about the effects your behavior had on others, and changed it at times to help yourself, and the people around you.

I don't know you as well now, but I would guess that if it's a part of you, it's a small part, that you fall into when hurt or distracted -- it's not your default state, as it was Bron's, and as I fear it is for the person I've been watching lately.

feh

[cthulhia]

now every time someone tries to "help" me (on their own terms) if it doesn't make a visible difference within their standard attention span, I'm going to worry about when they decide I'm not worth their time, which in itself will skew results.

there's various people I feel I love, but I don't expect that to be enough for them to love me back, or otherwise take me on as a case.

I am wary of people who only love/help people who are broken. If someone is so addicted to results, then what happens when the "broken" person is fixed. Do they risk being abandoned if they don't find some new damage with which to preoccupy their "helper"?

[lyonesse.livejournal.com]

i don't know if this is the perspective from which you meant it, but i think it's the kind of thing you might have said to me at one point, did you feel inclined to be that elucidating.

fortunately for me i guess, i did get better with the help of others who were willing to take me on :)

[merde.livejournal.com]

it reads to me like it was written by a "fixer" who was really angry at a depressed person for not being "fixable". this is precisely why i avoid fixers. i don't expect or want anyone to take me on as a project; i am what i am, and i need to be with someone who understands that i am going to have bad days, and weeks, and sometimes months, and that the way to help is not to stress about it and barrage me with their idea of solutions, but to stick by me, give me lots of hugs, and understand that sometimes you just have to ride it out.

i have yet to meet such a person -- at least not one with whom i was able to form a relationship. and i can't blame people for not wanting to be involved with someone who might be listless and angsty and depressed for weeks on end for no particular reason, who sometimes can't stand to be touched and other times wants to be held for hours, who randomly gains and loses momentum and takes up interests and then drops them again.

but i do know that when i meet such a person, they will probably also like cats. *grin*